Faith

How many times have we been told to have faith in the Lord?  And how many times do we imply that we do?  Since entering the mission field, I have watched my faith challenged over and over and I continually tell the Father, “I will trust you.”  Then, the next day, I find myself doubting Him again because of some new problem or challenge.  This seems to be the challenge for all Christians each day.  But, recently the Lord shared something with me that I thought I would pass on to all of us who traverse here on earth waiting for the coming of our Lord.

When our first son, Jeremiah, was born, I was so proud and amazed that I was a part of bringing a new life into the world and I remember in the days after his birth thinking, “Wow! This is such a tiny human being!”  I remember how, as his eyes began to focus and recognize me, it was such a joy to know that he knew who I was.  Each day, he began to connect with me and I found that I looked forward to seeing him and knowing that he knew me.  After a few weeks, Jeremiah and I developed a rapport and he began to even stop crying when I picked him up (despite the fact that I was not his mother).  Oh what a joy it was to have a son!  I finally knew the happiness of what it means to be a father.

During these days, I was working nights and Denese worked during the day.  So, I had babysitting duties.  Eventually, the time came for Jeremiah to have his first vaccination.  I remember that we did not have health insurance then, so, I took Jeremiah to a clinic for his shot.  While we were waiting for our turn, Jeremiah and I did our usual things to amuse ourselves.  Making faces at each other, me making blowing sounds on his stomach and him giggling to no end.  Then, the time came for us to enter the examination room.  As Jeremiah and I entered the room, he looked around at the new surroundings and his eyes seemed to wonder what new adventure are daddy and I about to embark upon now.  After we were seated, the nurse came in and asked a few questions, took down some information and then said she would be back in a few moments.  While Jeremiah and I waited, I kept whispering to him that this long wait will soon be over and we can go home. 

When the nurse came back she proceeded to prepare a needle.  I was suddenly aware of what was about to happen.  As someone who is afraid of needles, I was immediately alarmed and I naively asked her if she was going to use that on Jeremiah.  She said that she had to and that she needed me to hold him firmly so that he did not wiggle as she gave him the injection in his leg.  I proceeded to hold Jeremiah tight and told him I was sorry about what was about to happen.  Jeremiah looked searchingly in my eyes and wondered what was wrong.  Then, she gave him the shot.

I still remember how Jeremiah screamed as the needle was placed into his leg, but what was more horrifying was the look that Jeremiah gave me as he was screaming.  His eyes appeared to be saying, “Dad!  How can you let them do this to me?”  Even now, as I key these words, my eyes fill with tears.

When we got home, I did all of the things that the nurse told me to do to keep him comfortable.  I administered acetaminophen to keep his fever down and tried to comfort him.  But, it seemed that he would not be comforted and continued to whimper and was just miserable.  However, the most dejecting thing was that Jeremiah looked at me as if he did not trust me.   Periodically, whenever I would glance at him, I would find him looking at me with fear and distrust as if I was someone who had betrayed him.  This pained me more than anything.  It was not until the next day that the rapport that Jeremiah and I had, seemed to be coming back.  And in the days to follow, he seemed to forget about the experience and began to look at me as his hero again.

Our Father does not only want us to have faith in Him because it is what is best for us.  He wants us to have faith in Him because it shows that we love Him, believe in Him and look up to Him.  When we don’t trust the Lord or act as if our faith in Him is wavering, it pains Him deeply.  It causes His heart to grieve because His child whom He loves and cares for does not trust Him. 

So, the next time that your faith is wavering, remember to have faith not just to believe, but to show your Father that you love Him.